This is the story, if ever you knew,
Of one Lord Barnabas Pepperskew;
And a recollection of his perilous quest
To fight against creatures that all men detest.
Lord Pepperskew is a tall brown wombat
With a tailed coat, cane and an old black top hat,
Who lives in a mansion built into a hill,
With twelve acres of land and an old water mill.


One fateful day, with no warning at all
A swarm of kleegsleegers created a squall.
Lord Pepperskew saw them and tried to fight back;
But the menagerie of menace maliciously attacked.
They broke into his mansion, wrecking it all,
Then continued their way to the end of the hall.
They found a secret vault, packed full of old things
And quickly retreated with a gold signet ring.
Pepperskew saw them and made a strong vow,
That he would find a way, no matter how,
To return the ring that he had just lost
And bring it back home - whatever the cost.


Kleegsleegers are terrible, ferocious things,
With dark rubbery skin and four beating wings.
They have four beady eyes - a light shade of grey
And teeth like thin daggers for catching their prey.
While some minor kleegsleegers live in a house;
Smaller, wingless vermin the size of a mouse,
The large ones are fell and frightening beasts
That consider anything an impending feast.
So with that in mind Lord Pepperskew departed
And thought of the adventure that had only just started.


Just as his adventure was about to begin,
He stopped for a beverage at his local inn.
He walked up to the counter, not saying a word,
The barman knew him well, he knew what he heard.
He got him a drink made from fourteen mashed eels,
It was a horrible grey colour, all thick and congealed,
And as quick as a flash with a swig and a gulp
He downed the whole pint of the eel laden pulp
And set forth on his journey, and made haste on his way,
To get to the place where the kleegsleegers stay.


Whilst on his travels he encountered a stone,
Who, when stepped on, let out a small groan.
The rock wasn’t happy with this untimely intrusion
And was getting more angry in his state of confusion.
He threatened how he ate birds and small creatures,
Or twigs and rocks, or other land features.
Lord Pepperskew apologized to the granitey rock,
Then asked for directions from this rock who could talk.
The rock said head left and continue some more,
Then take a right at a river, then it’s a mile to the shore.
Then hop on a boat and sail seven miles south
Until you enter the gate of the kleegsleegers mouth.
So with that information Lord Pepperskew left
To retrieve the ring of which he had been bereft.


Lord Pepperskew arrived and spotted a boat,
And was making his way there when he noticed a goat,
Who was weighed down in armour that didn’t look light,
And who was obviously itching to get into a fight.
The goat asked if he was a Knight of the Round Table,
He denied being part of the corner-less fable.
Not very impressed of the answer he heard,
The goat started spewing provocative words
And without any warning he started to charge,
Drawing a sword that was unusually large.
He charged down the beach with rage in his eyes;
Then collapsed from exhaustion in a heap, and had died.
So Lord Pepperskew mourned the death of the goat,
Then continued his journey by boarding the boat.


Lord Pepperskew landed on the eerie isle,
Then walked to the fortress, it took him a while.
He made his way to the kleegsleeger’s castle,
And took out the guards without any hassle.
He then made it to the throne room inside
And demanded the king in a loud, mighty cry.
The king meandered towards his throne
And asked Pepperskew why he wouldn’t leave him alone.
Lord Pepperskew told him of the ring that was taken,
The king laughed and told him he wasn’t mistaken.
He stretched out his arm, the ring in his claws
And gave it to his servant, after a pause.
He said he’d have to fight for it, with a terrible roar,
Then beat his huge wings and into the rafters he soared.
Then the rabble of kleegsleegers began their assault,
But their feeble attack was soon brought to a halt,
As they were all soon filled with great trepidation
From Lord Pepperskew’s continued annihilation.


The king then roared and from the rooftop descended,
And before he knew what had happened his life had just ended.
As Lord Pepperskew had hurled his small walking cane,
That hit him square in the forehead and punctured his brain.
The king fell to the floor, completely stone dead,
And Pepperskew retrieved the cane from his head.
The remaining kleegsleegers all cowered in fear,
And asked him not to come anywhere near.
Lord Pepperskew said he’d make them a pact:
Not to bother him again and to give his ring back.
The speed of the deed was speedy indeed,
As the ring was then freed as they all had agreed
And Lord Pepperskew went home regarded a hero,
For reducing the kleegsleegers almost to zero.


So he returned his ring and had his house mended
And that’s how his journey finally ended.
So concludes Lord Pepperskew’s story,
His tale of great triumph and unclaimed glory
And his bravery in the face of great danger,
That made a hero from an everyday stranger.